The Three Questions That Make Every Experience Developmental
Experience is not, by itself, developmental. Leaders accumulate enormous experience over the course of a career. Very little of it automatically converts into improved capability. What converts experience into development is structured reflection — the deliberate, honest examination of what happened, what it means, and what to do differently as a result.
Without that structure, experience simply accumulates as history. With it, experience becomes the primary engine of resilience.
The three Resilience Wheel reflective questions are the simplest, most accessible and most consistently effective structured reflection practice I have found in eighteen years of coaching. Not because they are sophisticated, but because they are specific enough to produce genuine insight and brief enough to sustain as a consistent habit.
The Three Questions
The questions are these:
1. What have I been doing recently, behaviourally, against The Resilience Wheel, that has been serving me well?
2. What have I not been doing recently, behaviourally, against The Resilience Wheel, that has not been serving me well?
3. How can I do more of the behaviours in the answer to question one?
The phrasing matters, so it is worth examining each element carefully.
Why "Behaviourally"?
"Behaviourally" is the word that makes the questions useful rather than merely interesting. It anchors the reflection in what you actually did, rather than in how you felt or what you intended. Feelings and intentions are harder to change and harder to observe. Behaviours are specific, observable and actionable.
When a leader answers question one with a behaviour — "I have been taking ten minutes at the end of each day to reflect on how I have shown up" or "I have been asking questions in team meetings rather than giving the answer" — they have something concrete to build on. When they answer with a feeling — "I have been feeling more confident" — the reflection is real but not yet actionable. The word "behaviourally" does the work of keeping the reflection at the level where change is actually possible.
Your learning needs to lead to specific behaviour changes of what you will “do differently/do more of” in your role. Photo Curated Lifestyle Unsplash
Why "Against The Resilience Wheel"?
The Resilience Wheel’s seven dimensions — Attitude, Purpose, Confidence, Adaptability, Support Network, Meaning and Energy — provide the framework that makes the reflection structured rather than vague. Without a framework, honest self-assessment tends to gravitate towards whatever is most salient or most pressing in the moment. The Wheel ensures that the reflection covers all seven dimensions, surfaces patterns across the full picture of the leader’s development, and connects daily experience to the specific capabilities that build resilience over time.
The Wheel also provides the language. When a leader can say "my Adaptability dimension has been showing up well this week — I noticed myself staying curious in two situations where I would previously have become defensive," they have both the insight and the vocabulary to discuss it precisely, in coaching, in peer exchange, or in their own reflective practice.
“Reflection without a framework produces interesting thoughts. Reflection with a framework produces developmental insight. The difference is a question of structure, not intelligence.”
Why the Third Question Points Forward?
The third question is often overlooked, but it is the most important for behaviour change. It redirects attention from the deficit (what has not been serving me) to the asset (what has been serving me, and how to do more of it). This is not naive positivity. It is the deliberate deployment of what Bandura’s research on self-efficacy identifies as mastery experience — the primary source of genuine confidence.
When a leader identifies a behaviour that is serving them well and commits to doing more of it, they are not just making a plan. They are creating the conditions for a positive feedback loop: more of the serving behaviour produces better outcomes, which produces more evidence that the behaviour works, which builds the confidence and the habit that makes the behaviour more likely to continue.
The questions work together as a system. The first builds evidence. The second builds honesty. The third builds momentum.
How to Use the Questions Consistently
Consistency is everything. These questions used once are interesting. Used weekly for six months, they are transformative. The mechanism is the same as any habit formation: deliberate repetition, over sufficient time, builds the neural pathways that make the behaviour progressively more natural.
The most effective practice is a specific, protected time — Friday morning works well for most leaders, as it provides a natural reflective window at the end of the working week. Under ten minutes. Written rather than just thought through, because writing externalises the reflection and makes it easier to review patterns over time. Honest rather than aspirational, because the questions are only useful if they surface what is actually happening rather than what the leader would prefer to be happening.
The Leadership Resilience Diagnostic provides the baseline that makes the three questions even more precise. It surfaces where each leader currently is across all seven dimensions, which means the reflection has a specific developmental map to work against rather than a generic framework.
Start this week
Take ten minutes on Friday. Write honest answers to all three questions against The Resilience Wheel. Do it again next Friday. The compounding effect of consistent, structured reflection is one of the most reliable developmental investments available to a senior leader.
Ready to have a conversation?
Start with the Leadership Resilience Diagnostic — a structured, honest snapshot across The Resilience Wheel.
Leadership Resilience Diagnostic:
theresiliencecoach.co.uk/resilient-leadership-diagnostic
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