Resilience gives you the confidence to find your happy place!
Recently, a few of the Presenters on YOWAH (Your Happiness and Wellbeing) Radio got together and had an interesting discussion about magical moments. These are those times in your life where something really significant happened that set you on a whole new path - a ‘Sliding Doors’ moment. It got me thinking about my own journey, and how I got to where I am now. I can think of one decision I made that definitely changed my life for the better.
I was lucky enough to attend a ‘posh’ grammar school. It had a good reputation, and most of the time I did well. I would happily keep up with all my studies and did well in lessons, but when it came to the end of year exams, I always went to pieces.
After three years of poor exam results, I was summoned to the headmaster’s office. It was a formidable place, and he was an intimidating figure. Quaking in my boots, I tried to explain why I couldn’t pass exams, but in truth I didn’t really know. After all, I’d done well all year in class, and had a good revision plan. With the benefit of hindsight, I now realise exams just don’t suit me. They are not a good means of assessing everyone’s ability, and many people just don’t thrive under that pressure.
When it came to deciding what to do when I left school, my parents assumed I’d stay on at grammar school and take my A-levels, however the prospect of another two years of studying, doing well in lessons, only to fall at the final hurdle, felt soul-destroying.
I had some wonderful guidance from family members. Photo Liane Metzler Unsplash
What were the alternatives? After a conversation with my father and some advice from my Uncle, I decided to go along to an open day at the local college. There I was informed about B-TEC courses, which were all coursework based, with no exams - happy days! I decided there and then to sign up. For me it was a no-brainer - no exams, therefore no more worry. I’d have to re-sit my maths to get on the course, but I didn’t let that put me off.
When I called my dad to tell him I’d signed up, he was surprised, not least because he had gone to considerable lengths to persuade the headmaster that I should be allowed to stay on at grammar school to sit my A-levels, despite my lacklustre O-level results. He supported my decision though, and that support for my choice meant a lot.
Once I started at my new college, I never looked back. It was a totally different environment, one where I felt happy and could thrive. The culture was in total contrast to the grammar school, and it was much more aligned to my needs.
Why am I telling you all this? Because it illustrates lots of ways resilience can set you on the right path. Firstly, I was open-minded enough to explore the alternative option, and didn’t accept my fate of a further two years of grammar school exam hell. I felt empowered enough to take ownership and control of my own life, by signing up for college. Having supportive parents, and a good network of friends, gave me the strength to make a big change. I overcame a barrier by agreeing to re-sit my maths exam. I trusted my own judgement and made the right decision quickly - my head, heart and gut were in alignment. It just felt right!
Had I gone against my gut or been too afraid to try a new path, I’m sure now I would have been setting myself up for failure. Resilient people learn from the past, and change their behaviour, rather than repeating the same mistakes. They are not afraid to challenge the status quo, and they are prepared to overcome barriers to get to where they want to be. By changing my path and trying something new I felt energised and enthusiastic about my studies again, and found learning was fun and exciting. I was able to spring forward and become a better version of myself.
Resilience enables options, choices and decision making. Photo Letizia Bordoni Unsplash
This is what I help my clients do. When they feel stuck on a path that isn’t working, and exhausted and stressed from trying to make the same old approach work, I help them explore the alternatives, find the right track, and become a better version of themselves.