How do you build a great support network?

The start of a new year is a great time to reflect on how you are spending your time, and perhaps even more importantly, who you are spending it with. According to research by social psychologist, Dr David McClelland, “The people you habitually associate with determine as much as 95 per cent of your success or failure in life.” I was blown away by this fact.  

Who are the 5 people you spend most time with?

It really hit home to me how important it is to spend some time actively managing your support network, not just from a work perspective but from a personal one too. Some people hold us back, while others can help propel us forward. Or to put it another way, some people are radiators, while others are drains! 

One exercise which I find really helps is simply to list all the people in your life - colleagues, friends, family - and think about how much time you spend with each of them. You could try visualising this, by drawing concentric circles with you in the centre, and plot who else is in your life. Put the people who are closest to you, who you spend the most time with, on the inner circle, and those you spend least time with on the peripheral. Put everyone else somewhere in between, based on how much time you spend with them.  

Once you have plotted all the people in your life on this chart, you will get a really clear visual representation of who is closest to you and who is less so. Now take a good look at what you have drawn - is it what you expected to see? Do you have the right people closest to you, or are you wasting precious time with people who are not helpful, who drain your energy, hold you back, or fail to add anything to your life?

In this increasingly hectic and fast paced world, time is a precious resource that we can’t afford to waste. If you have not got the right balance in your network, and you are not spending time with those who energise you and support you, it’s time to consider how you will address this. This is something I cover in my online coaching session, ‘’How to build your best support network.’

If you feel your network is less than supportive, think about what you can do to bring it more in line with your needs. Consider what you want from each of the people in your life, and who you might need to bring closer to you. Have you been clear enough with the people in terms of articulating what you want from them? There’s nothing wrong with spelling out to people exactly what it is you need from them. In fact, in my experience many people welcome this. Do you want them to give you feedback? Do you need them to support you? Maybe you want them to challenge you? Whatever it is, try defining it clearly and you might be pleasantly surprised by the response you receive.

How do you give people feedback on their behaviours towards you and the impact it has?

Of course, not everyone responds well to feedback, particularly if you have to tell them something they may not want to hear. I always find that  the wording you use can make a huge difference to how well or otherwise the message is received.

Separating the person from the behaviour really helps. You could try using ‘When you do (insert their behaviour here) I feel (insert the impact this has on you or your team).’ Once you have explained the issue, give the person a chance to respond. Hopefully if you have explained it well, they won’t scream and shout at this point. If they do though, try to remain calm. Getting into a heated conversation is unlikely to end well for either party!

Once you have given them a chance to respond, clearly define what you would like to see that person do in the future. This can be a really powerful tool in helping you get what you need from the people around you, and it is one that anyone in a leadership role should use.

If, once you have plotted your network out you don’t like what you see, consider what your first steps to improving it might be. Will you try giving feedback to these people, or would you prefer to let them drift away and become less time consuming? How will you bring those you want to spend more time with, and who could help you, closer to you? What can you offer that might help them? If you need someone to help you, try paying it forward by offering to help them with something. It’s human nature to want to help those that help us.

If you’d like to know more about building the right support network, I am running an online workshop on the topic and I’d love to see you there!